I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
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I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
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You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize