So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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