I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
me + whiskey = a bad person
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
