Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
