guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
