I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
