that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
