The maid of honor just puked.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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