I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
