Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
