Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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