Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Randomize
