I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
