Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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