ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
she smelled like a LAN party
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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