And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
