My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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