Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
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