i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
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