i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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