very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
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