she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
where am i from again
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
