I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Randomize
