i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
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it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
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And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
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