Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
