yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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