true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
The air taste purple.
Randomize