i just google imaged poop.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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