we have pet lesbian snakes
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
no you cant smoke seaweed
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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