note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
