Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I party with great urgency now.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
