It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
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Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
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I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
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