my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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