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I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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