So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
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