I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
