we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
