she was so not down for the gang bang
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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