the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
