I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
