I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
