I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
