he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
