dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
