Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
