Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
