Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Hippo gnu deer
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
