Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
