Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
