I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
It was a blind-side dick pic.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
