Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
