put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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