Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize