What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
