dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
