Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
so that wasnt chicken after all
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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