Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
