it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
