he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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