I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
