Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
