i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
