You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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