I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
