The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize