her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Randomize
