I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
