he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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