3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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