A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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