Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
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