please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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