based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Come see our sink grown plant.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
