Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
So squirting runs in the family.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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