So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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